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Post by Russel on Jul 1, 2006 1:42:55 GMT -5
Nothing much just a poem i wrote after I nearly drowned at jersey shores when i was in 8th grade. This one I call, Lost light.
Darker than the ocean on a moonless night is my life without any light in sight stuck in the water just riding the tide call out for help but it seems like the whole world died pitch black so I can’t see what’s before my face every sign of humanity disappeared without a trace pride bruised wondering how did i become so lost soul growing cold waiting on the sun the melt the frost and to make my day brighter so I can regain my barring but still left in the darkness starring into an emptiness in which my heart can relate drifting endlessly into a unknown mental state engulfed by water determine not to drown but there is no coming back once you go down i believe what i do dictates my fate so i contemplate what was my fatal mistake that has me wondering into an infinite abyss has me struggling to keep my thoughts tighter than a closed fist have to close my eyes to give myself a break can only dream what tomorrow will make
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Post by Fate|Speed[Y]Ninja on Jul 1, 2006 3:13:27 GMT -5
*claps claps*
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Post by :[DS]: Battôsai on Jul 1, 2006 9:15:23 GMT -5
That's very well done, Russel. Could I correct some of the spelling mistakes and grammar and such for you?
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Post by Russel on Jul 1, 2006 14:04:11 GMT -5
sure, i wrote this about 3 years ago so my spelling is way off. By all means correct it.
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Post by :[DS]: Battôsai on Jul 1, 2006 23:15:10 GMT -5
Darker than the ocean on a moonless night Is my life without any light in sight Stuck in the water, just riding the tide Call out for help, but it seems like the whole world died Pitch black so I can’t see what’s before my face Every sign of humanity disappeared without a trace Pride bruised; wondering, how did I become so lost? Soul growing cold waiting for the sun to melt the frost And to make my day brighter so I can regain my bearing But still left in the darkness staring Into an emptiness in which my heart can relate Drifting endlessly into an unknown mental state Engulfed by water; determined not to drown But there is no coming back once you go down I believe what I do dictates my fate So I contemplate: What was my fatal mistake, That has me wandering into an infinite abyss? Has me struggling to keep my thoughts tighter than a closed fist? Have to close my eyes to give myself a break Can only dream what tomorrow will make That would be basic corrections. There are still some places where I think an "I" inserted would make more sense, (For example, "I call out for help, but it seems like the whole world died") but that's up to you to decide, Russel.
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Post by DPKJ on Jul 2, 2006 4:37:32 GMT -5
Very nicely written, Russel. Sad poem though.
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Post by Russel on Jul 2, 2006 8:38:22 GMT -5
I just wrote what I was feeling at the time. My emotional feelings as water filled up my lungs, as my heartbeat was getting slower each time. Near death experience sucks though... i don't ever want to be in that position again...
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Post by smash on Jul 6, 2006 15:28:04 GMT -5
its like u guys are emo.
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Post by Blues on Jul 6, 2006 15:59:14 GMT -5
its like u guys are emo. ....
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Post by smash on Jul 6, 2006 17:11:26 GMT -5
lol i guess u didnt find it humerous.
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Post by Russel on Oct 24, 2006 20:23:00 GMT -5
im bumping this post up cause i want to remind ppl that i write poems xD
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Post by lourenzo on Oct 24, 2006 20:30:03 GMT -5
nice russ got any others?
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Post by Russel on Oct 24, 2006 20:32:06 GMT -5
yes i do but i'll have to put em on tomorrow. I put all my poems on a floppy disk and i lost it -.-. I gotta dig in my closet to find it.
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Post by Monkeh on Oct 26, 2006 21:13:13 GMT -5
That was... Deep....
By the way can you tell more about ur NDE? (near death experience)
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Post by Fuzzy on Oct 26, 2006 21:27:33 GMT -5
Nice poem!
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